Define "chronic" masturbator.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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