Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
