i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
