I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
