the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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