You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
