Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
