I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
