he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
