Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
