It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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