you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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