I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
