Don't make out with my wife yet
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
