I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Edward fifth and chaser hands
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
