i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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