If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
