my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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