Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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