Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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