Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
