the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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