not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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