No stitches, just platelets and will power
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
