Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
