My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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