I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
