Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
babies were throwing up all over the place
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
