Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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