Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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