I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
