Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
