I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
