Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
