You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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