can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
