Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
