I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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