she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
