Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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