I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
