Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
