We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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