maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
