mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
