you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
