I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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