only you would photoshop your dick
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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