I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
