I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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