They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
