he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
